Since the beginning of September it has been a struggle. A struggle to get my behind out of bed and struggle to put one foot in front of another. Truly not a good problem to have since you are attempting to run a crazy 26 mile distance. What was to be my last long run actually required a pick up. This was illness though.
My motivation has just not been there. Something I have been so determined to conquer and yet I could not find it. A brief moment in a conversation with the little bro, in which he said " kind of late to give up now." I won't give up though. That is not how I work. Where did my determination, zealousness for this go though? What was missing?
It is a new week. I decided to run today (usually I run on Tuesday). I needed to run today. I needed to find in the moments of solitude and methodical foot patterns on the forever turning belt the what, why, and how could this be. More determined then ever I set out. I set up the treadmill as always with my tablet, phone etc. Going to watch a you tube video maybe. Then I decided no, why not just drift into the music, let myself float away with each passing note.
It was there in those notes that I found the beat, the movement, and the senseless calm that washes over me. The reminder that this is about me. I need to do this for me and no one else. I have overcome a lot in my life to get to this point. And my run was good, glorious in fact. When the treadmill decided that I should go no more, I wanted to push the start button. Just another hour, but no I need to go to work.
As I turned and stepped off, Christy (the athletic trainer) with a huge smile on her face goes how long today? My reply 6.5 running and it felt great, could've have kept going. Then it happened...the tears and the worries spilling out. The smile not wavering for a second from her face she reminded me in her ever stern yet mothering voice that I have this, I am doing it right ,my fears of not finishing, not making my time are Ludacris and my run today was glorious. She knew it.
After that moment I knew where my problem has been, it was in the trials of feeling alone. The loneliness that I gravitated towards during my running actually was the problem. At this distance, these moments I needed more support, needed the cheers and the company. At this distance I needed someone besides myself. That is what was missing. Thankfully in less then two weeks I will be surrounded by others just as crazy as myself embracing and seeking to conquer the 26.2 that has been stirring in our souls. Cheers to great runs and keeping my sanity during the taper.
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